On Deep Woods
I have to laugh at myself. Me, of all people, a writer, only now realizing how careless I’ve been in what words I’ve been using to attempt to motivate myself. I should know what weight words have and choose them more wisely.
For example, I have been writing down on my to-do list to “Edit.” Oh, what a weighty dreaded word to all writers. Even for me, who loves to edit, the term can be overwhelming. Filled with- get that first page right, fix my ending, are my characters fully developed, where are my notes that I wrote about what to do. So today, I’m replacing “Edit” with “Read a chapter and make notes.”
It’s less intimidating, less a black hole I don’t want to jump into. It’s inviting. I love my chapters and love visiting them. Taking notes on what to change is something I can do.
My eyes opened
to look out my window.
Above was a moon round and
bright in the morning sky.
I thought the sun was in the wrong place,
a very wrong place.
I came fully awake
But it was the moon,
so all was well, all was
Today is the first day
of the new year.
you gave me quite a start.
I’ve been thinking that I need to reset my thoughts in the new year. I want to build up my resiliency and reframe how I’m seeing things. In this new year it’s time for a reset.
January 1st Being aware of my thoughts and reframe
I will be aware what I’m saying to myself. Am I seeing one awful thing and think it’s a permanent state and that nothing is good in the world? I will spend today recognizing when I give myself negative thoughts. I will write a few of them down. Then I will attempt to reframe them. I will find the next better thought. I won’t come up with the complete opposite of the thought as I won’t believe it but instead I will come up with slightly better thought.
January 2nd Learning something new everyday
I will read or listen to something new each day. It might be big like taking an online course or small by keeping a book next the chair I like to sit in.
January 3rd New Morning Routine
Today I’m going to add one new thing to my morning routine to signal to my brain things are changing.
January 4th Finding awe
Change my phone, iPad, computer backgrounds to a photo of something awesome in nature. This change will remind me to looks daily for things that inspire awe whether it’s looking up at the sky to see what the clouds are doing or looking at something close up like the tip of my cat’s nose. I will look for reasons to feel good.
January 5th Find my one daily priority
Each day I’m going to identify the one thing each day that has the biggest priority for me and decide the best hour to do it that day. I learned that during National Novel Writing Month. To write 1,667 words a day I had to make it a daily priority and I had to plan what hour I was able to do it. I want to decide what is essential for me today. Not for anyone else, just for me.
January 6th Better sleep
Today I will start to go to bed at a consistent time. I will figure out when I am at my most sleepiest and set in my mind that I will lie down to sleep within that hour. I’ll make sure I get enough hours of sleep by knowing when I typically wake up. I know that when I’m as well rested as I can, I feel better about everything.
January 7th Decrease negative outside programming
Today I’m going to identify what I am doing that is only there to soothe my mind. If I’m watching a program, or an internet platform that is giving a neutral or negative outcome, I’ll lower my watching time or replace with others that will enhance my life. Which digital platforms make me feel the best after? Is there any I can delete?
January 8th Reevaluate my beliefs
Today I’m going to think of a belief I have that may not be serving me well. I’m going to decide how I can reword that belief so it will have a more positive affect on me.
January 9th Identify one overgeneralization
I’m going to identify one thing that I have been overgeneralizing. What is it that I’ve decided I can’t do or don’t want to do based on a past negative outcomes. Or what I have perceived will be a future negative outcome. Once I’ve identified one habit I have that came out of that way of thinking, I will come up with words that allow for me to think of it in a new way.
January 10th Every evening I will find an inspiring quote, write it on piece of paper and tape it somewhere I will see it the next day. It won’t always be in the same place so I won’t just ignore it. I will consider it to be part of the theme of my new day.
A cinnamon fox trots along my front path,
glances up at my door and continues on.
I am honored and know that this fox
will feel at home in my deep woods.
I know I am only borrowing my
land, and that forever foxes will roam
across this landscape, part of the maples,
part of the oaks, the honeysuckle bush,
the high grass, the deep brown earth
that supports us all. I think today
would be a good day to go outside
and be a part of what makes me wild too.
Many years ago I went skiing at Kirkwood in California. Taking the lift to the top of the mountain, I had decided that I would jump off a cornice onto one of the most difficult trails on the mountain. I couldn’t see the trail below me, I could only see through a bunch of pines to a narrow chute of a trail I’d have to jump onto and then fly out onto an unknown, very steep trail. It was peer pressure. The people I was with wanted to do it and in a moment of insanity I decided I would too. But I knew my moment of bravery was going to be short so I was first in line. Behind me my fellow skiers showed no sign of following me. I kept saying, come on, come on, and had my skis positioned.
Luckily, everyone decided to move along the ridge to find a trail we could survive going down. When I had faced that steep trail I knew without a doubt I would fall. I knew I could deal with that, I was prepared. Everyone else could ski much better than I could so I’d be the only one who would crash and burn rather than ski down that trail. While I had a great deal of fear of that mountain, I wasn’t afraid to fall.
NaNoWriMo is like that. We jump off a cliff write knowing we are going to write awful plot lines, weak characters, non existent description, grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, but we do it anyway.
I’m being stared at
by two cats. How they
fix their eyes on me,
together, like statues.
There is a bird in a bush
outside the window but
they have see it before.
For me, they have never
seen me as I am now.
Neither have I.
The cat tucks her feet
unbothered, sleepy, content.
My book falls, she turns.
Leaves Yet Fallen
Leaves yet fallen,
the moment after hesitating,
not ready, or not yet time?
A color display should last-
yellows to be celebrated- reds
setting an internal fire- oranges
with a steady, strong, glow to dazzle
and hold the expectant mind.
Leaves yet fallen, relaxed in time,
the season on pause, this moment,
before the sun rises any further.